Shelley wrote, "…I did so because the behavior Halley attributes to generic Woman can be generalized to fit all women, and that means me. And this type of behavior, as described, violates every bit of honor and pride in being a woman that I have. It violates every bit of honor and pride in being a woman of all women I know."
I have to agree with that sentiment, but I'd like to take it one step further and say that it's all about respect.
How can you respect someone who uses such tactics? How can you respect someone who gets their way with such tactics? And how can you respect anyone who succumbs to such tactics?
When we categorize people by pigeonholing them into stereotypes, we take away our respect, and with it some measure of their dignity. That's what's so bad about stereotypes. When people fall into stereotypical behavior patterns - for whatever reason - it seems to me that they are displaying a certain lack of pride. It seems that they lack the energy, the imagination or the courage to stand up and be individuals.
Respect has to be earned, and you can't earn it by crying, flirting, or stomping your feet. You earn it by being good at what you do - by working at your craft, by learning and by doing.
Sometimes you don't get it, even when you deserve it and that's not fair. But then again, the world doesn't seem to be a fair place. However I think you can get respect, when you earn it, from at least some people and hopefully you get it from those who count.
No matter what you do or who you are - male or female, gay or straight, white or black, purple or orange - you are not going to be respected by everyone in all circumstances. It's just not going to happen. If you know that you've done your best, sometimes you just have to chalk lack of respect up to the ignorance of those around you. You have to have the confidence to realize that the fault lies with them, not with you.
That said, I want to address something Mike Golby wrote.
He wrote, "Can the breakup of the modern Western family, now being exported worldwide, not also be partly attributed to a wholesale eschewing of 'institutional doctrines' containing good and bad attributes - but which, till a few decades ago, seemed to work, even if somewhat precariously or miraculously? Are women, worldwide, better off today than they were two centuries ago? Are men? "
And he also asks, "What am I missing? Where, exactly, is the unequal treatment?"
This is all about perspective. Most times you have to be in just the right position to see the whole picture.
If one person is standing on the ground in front of a wall that they can just barely see over and another person is sitting in a tree they have a different view of the scene before them.
The person in the tree can see a field with cows and sheep and perhaps a farmer tending the animals. That person might also see a brook flowing through the field with a grove of trees growing around it.
The person standing on the ground can probably only see the tops of those trees and maybe one or two of the animals, depending on where they are standing at the time.
Or say that both people are on the ground, but on opposite sides of the wall. The person in the field can see what is behind the person on the other side. They may see, not the field, but a road. Perhaps there is a car and a farmhouse with children playing in the yard.
Each one is standing basically in the same place, but they are on opposite sides of the wall and facing in the opposite direction. If they could change positions, they could then see what the other person sees, but let's say that they can't change positions.
Each could swear that their view is the correct one. Each could say that the other doesn't know what he/she is talking about. They could argue about it until each was blue in the face, but it doesn't change the fact that each one has a different perspective on what is basically the same scene.
The only way for them to settle this argument is to respect that the other person sees what they see. They are not imagining what they see, and what they see is real from their point of view.
I think that is the big problem with any discussion like the one of gender gap. We women can't change places with the men anymore than they can change places with us. No matter how earnestly or hard we try, we simply can not see life from their exact point of view. Imagining is not the same as actually viewing. (But points are given for trying <g>)
So it all comes back again to the issue of respect. We must simply respect and trust that the other person truly sees - or feels - what they do. If we could all do this, it would certainly solve many of life's great conflicts. Unfortunately, accepting that the other person truly sees what they see often means we must surrender some of the "truths" we have used as security blankets all our lives - and that is far easier said, than done.
Posted by Cyberkat at November 30, 2002 9:44 AM