Seeds of Wisdom: "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster." -- Nietschze
6 Months. September 11 to March 11. It feels like it happened yesterday. It feels like it happened a life time ago. And I still can't believe it happened.
Last night I watched the CBS special. As I found it difficult to express my feelings coherently in those weeks after September 11, I find it difficult to describe my reaction to this show.
In June 2001, two photographers (who were also brothers) began making a film about a rookie firefighter's first 9 months on the job - the probationary period. They followed him through the routine initiation and the teasing. They recorded his yearning for his first real fire - his first chance to prove to his fellow firefighters that he was worthy to be among them. And they were with him on the morning of September 11.
Someone had reported a possible gas leak and the company responded. One brother went along with them, while the other stayed behind with the rookie.
As the fireman checked with their meters to find the source of the gas leak, the roar of a plane flying above them broke through the normal morning traffic noises. The roar of a plane low overhead. A sound you don't hear in downtown Manhattan where planes fly high to avoid the tall buildings.
Everyone looked up including the photographer with his camera. He recorded the first plane as it exploded into the gleaming facade of Tower One and then it began.
What followed was an amazing account. The photographer stuck with the fireman as they rushed to the scene and entered the building. He captured the last moments in Father Judge's life and the sound of Tower Two's collapse. He stayed with Ladder 1, Engine Company 7 throughout the whole horrendous day. The second photographer, rushed to the scene to find his brother, but was turned back, so he turned his camera to record all he could see.
Unlike most NY fire companies that day, Ladder 1, Engine 7 lost none of their members. One by one they made their way back to the firehouse to be greeted by shouts of joy and hugs from their "brothers." One of the firefighters told one of the photographers. "Yesterday you had one brother. Today you have 50."
I still can't feel anger or rage or hate, like so many others do. I feel only a vast sorrow at all that was lost. All that was taken away from us on that day. The lives that were lost are, of course, the primary consideration, but so many things have changed as well. So much that I find it difficult to catalog it all.
There's been a a lot of talk among bloggers lately about the meaning of life. Today seems like an appropriate time to ponder this.
The Meaning of Life in capital letters or italics is not something I've spent much time contemplating. I guess I wonder why it has to have a Meaning. Mostly I think it just is. Some ask, "Why?" It's not very comforting, but I don't think there is an answer to that question.
I think life is shaped as much by fate as by anything else. I don't believe that it's set in stone. I don't believe that there is a script in place on the day we are born and that we are destined to play the role that has been written. But I do believe that fate has an influence over what happens to us.
I see fate as the confluence of forces that puts us in certain places at certain times. I see life as a series of rooms; each room has several doors. You must continually chose a door, and then move into the next room where you are again faced with more doors.
Sometimes you choose a door, and that decision affects what happens next. Other times you are forced, by circumstances beyond your control, through a door not of your choosing. This is the "fate factor," if you will.
I often ponder my own choices and those of fate that forced me into one room instead of another.
My parents were considering a move to another part of the state, but we didn't move. I would have gone to a different school, met different people, made choices far different than those I made in this life path.
At the same time I met my husband, I met another guy as well. I made a choice between the two. What would have happened to me if I had made a different choice? Where would I be today?
Fourteen years ago, we accepted Prodigy's offer to try their online service. No one else I knew was online at the time. We were pioneers of a sort. What if we hadn't accepted that offer? Where would I be? Would I be doing web design? Or something else?
Would anyone one of those choices made differently have put me in the World Trade Center that day? Or on one of the planes? Or in the Pentagon? I'll never know.
Dieter Limeback of AdropintheOcean wrote, "If you're standing over there in this moment, you're okay. If you're standing over there in that moment, you're not. It's all in the timing. Everything else, not much you can do about it."
That about says it all.
Posted by Cyberkat at March 11, 2002 7:48 AM | TrackBack