From the Treetop

The Big Red Spider

Seeds of Wisdom: "There are a thousand thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up a pen to write." -- William Makepeace Thackeray

Shelley (she's back!) over at Burning Bird reminded me of a story when she wrote about her fear of spiders.

When my father retired, my parents decided to move to Florida like many other retirees - a decision they later regretted, but that's a story for another day. Shortly after, my husband and I went down for our first visit. I had never been to Florida before, but I was less than impressed. If you are reading this and you're from Florida - sorry not my favorite state. But I digress - on to the spider story.

I took a shower and when I finished, the bathroom was filled with steam - not hard to do with the high humidity. Hoping to clear some of it so I could see in the mirror to dry my hair, I decided to open the window. It was one of those awning windows with a crank and the screen on the outside. As I turned the crank, I heard this ominous scuttling sound coming from the outside of the opaque glass. The moment the window reached the maximum position, the source of the scuttling sound appeared at the top of the window frame.

For a second I thought I was looking at a crab. The creature was multi-legged and bright red. In another second, I realized that it was not a crab at all (and what would a crab be doing on a window anyway - right?). It was a gigunda* red spider. Big ugly red spider.

Now I have to tell you I am terrified of spiders. Even the tiniest one crawling across a nearby surface sends me into a panic. Forget about the sight of one in my car while I'm driving. This humungous red arachnid was very scary indeed!

I nearly broke my neck as I leaped back, encountering the outside wall of the tub as I did so. And I almost ran out of the room dripping wet and stark naked. Luckily, I had a smidgen of sense left and remembered to grab my robe as I made a swift retreat.

In the relative safety of the living room, I told my parents and my husband about the horror flick creature attempting to invade their bathroom. My mother said, "Red spiders. They come in pairs," very matter of factly as though this was an every day occurrance.

"Pairs," I exclaimed. "There is more than one!"

My father got up at once and went to the kitchen. He returned holding a broom. I thought I detected a pith helmet and elephant gun, but I couldn't be sure.
My husband looked at me with a dubious expression on his face. He studied the baseball-sized shape I made with my hands to indicate the size of the creature.

"How big?" he asked, knowing well my fear of spiders.

He is the one who exaggerates, I don't know why he doubted my veracity. "This big," I emphasized, again showing him the baseball-sized shape.

"Right," he said, laughing as he joined my father aka "Ramar of the jungle" on his "stalking the great spider" quest.

Ha! I had the last laugh when they returned and my husband admitted that the spider was, indeed, the biggest spider he had ever seen. He knows of large spiders, having had a Close Encounter of the First Kind with a tarantula while fixing scales in a prior occupational life. I am vindicated!

(* if gigunda isn't a word - and I couldn't find it in my dictionary - it should be!)

Posted by Cyberkat at April 8, 2002 8:07 AM | TrackBack